If Your Man’s Confused, Cold Or Distant – Turn Things Around Fast!

Leigha Lake

I know how painful and devastating it feels when the man you love – who has repeatedly told you he loves you – all of a sudden goes cold and becomes distant.

If you’re feeling sad and frustrated about your situation and asking yourself if it’s even possible to get things back the way they used to be in the beginning… you’re not alone!

It was exactly 6 years ago when this happened to me. Of course I never imagined something like that ever happening to me – and yet there I was completely blindsided when the words, “I’m not sure what’s going on with me, I’m just feeling confused and need some time to think. I’ll call you.” came out of his mouth.

I didn’t know the information I’m going to be sharing with you right now.

How To Quickly Turn Your Relationship Around

Here’s a question from one of my readers (written with permission):

“Hi Leigha, I’m in a really difficult situation I’m hoping you can help me with. I’ve been married just over 3 years now and I’ve started reading your blog but I’m afraid it might be too late. My husband recently told me he loves me but he doesn’t feel the same way he used to and he doesn’t feel happy anymore. He told me he doesn’t think he can give me what I want. I never imagined this would happen to me. I would love to hear any advice you may have. Do you think it’s too late to save our marriage? Thank you.”

My Answer:

I’m so so sorry and I can totally relate. We never imagine something like this ever happening to us.

The most difficult part of any relationship is knowing we can’t make anyone feel anything they don’t already feel. We can’t make our man love us the way we want him to. We can’t change the way he feels by talking about it. There’s absolutely NOTHING we can do or say to HIM – to make him feel differently.

What we CAN do: We CAN inspire our man to want to be with us. We CAN inspire feelings of love and affection by embodying our inner Love Goddess.

If Your Man’s Confused, Cold And Distant – Do This

1. Embody The Confident, Irresistible Woman He Fell In Love With

Turning your relationship around and bringing his love back more than ever has everything to do with being a goddess and getting all of your focus back on yourself and off of HIM and the relationship – baby step by baby step.

This looks like not talking about the relationship – unless he brings it up.

A common mistake many women make is trying to create a strong connection by talking about the relationship – don’t do it! All it does is make you feel more insecure and he feels a needy, desperate vibe coming his way.

This also looks like not waiting around for him to make up his mind about you or basing your actions on his feelings.

If you’ve been talking with friends and family, most likely you’ll hear, “Just leave him, if he doesn’t see how amazing you are, you should leave!” Or you’ll hear the opposite end of the spectrum of, “He’s a good guy, you just need to learn to communicate.”

It’s frustrating because those aren’t really helpful.

What you need is a step-by-step plan from someone who knows how to turn things around. I’ve worked with 100’s of women empowering them to reconnect their relationships!

I agree that if your partner doesn’t see how amazing you are it MIGHT be time to leave, but I’ve seen relationships turn around that seemed pretty much hopeless. Before you throw in the towel, you and your partner deserve another chance at having a loving, connected, passionate relationship. If you can learn how to implement my Bring Him Close Combo, you’ll know if your relationship can be healed. (I go over this specifically in my eBook – Make Him Fall In Love All Over Again.)

2. The ONLY Thing That Really Matters Right Now

Getting happy. Period.

When he gets from your “vibe” – without you saying a word – you’re going to be just fine with or without him…

…That you don’t need him to fulfill any basic need of yours and it’s actually your choice whether you stay or walk away…

If he’s the man for you – he’ll feel compelled to be with you.

I’ve seen it over and over and over again!!

Quick story: Marie came to me when her boyfriend (who had come on so strong in the beginning and had even brought up marriage) told her that he was confused and his feelings had somehow changed and he didn’t see it working out between the two of them anymore. He said things were OVER.


What she instinctively did (and what most of us do in that situation that doesn’t work) is ask him, “Why?” and “How could his feelings just change?” “How can you go from being so in love and then quickly fall out of love?”


Then we go into convincing mode on accident – we think we’re being loving and helpful and it has the complete opposite effect!  We say things like, “Let’s work on it!” “Give us some time to see if we can get back to where we were.”


I told Marie to embody her inner love goddess and create space so he has the room to build and feel attraction and she has the room to see if he’s really capable of giving her the love and relationship she desires.


In August, I talked with Marie for the first time. Fast forward 3 months later, he’s telling her he loves her and they’re moving slower than before but he’s moving the relationship forward (while she gets to lean back, settle in and not work at all!) and they’re planning on moving in together in the spring.


She’s extremely happy and now she knows how to navigate her relationship all the way past lifelong commitment.

Now – How To Get Happy Now When You’re Feeling So Bad

This is the question of the century right?

This can take some time and yet we want to do this as quickly as possible. Taking action that has nothing to do with a man in baby steps today is the best thing you can do. Not in order to make something happen in your relationship but to start healing your heart.

1. Meet your own basic needs by loving and cherishing YOU – what does this even mean?

The magic of life is in the present moment, doing every day tasks.

For me taking baby steps looks like…

Noticing the scenery while driving.
Feeling the water gently rolling off my body in the shower.
Picking out a soft cozy sweater to wear, or my favorite outfit.
Cooking one of my favorite meals for dinner or ordering from my favorite restaurant.
Getting enough sleep (sleep is often elusive in these situations).
Going on walks/getting exercise.
Reading a good book.
Taking a bubble bath.
Slathering coconut oil all over my skin.
Getting a massage…ok I could keep going…
What does loving and cherishing yourself look like to you?

2. Ask yourself, “What would a Love Goddess do?”

A love goddess knows that it’s her “vibe/energy” that matters most of all. What can she do to shift her vibe so she naturally exudes confidence, and becomes her most magnetic self?

From now on – healing your relationship and restoring the connection, getting the love you deserve, and bringing your man closer is more about having a life you feel passionate about and sharing that with your man – than trying to figure HIM out and how to make the relationship work.

Right now – notice your surroundings. Where are you? Find something in your current surroundings that radiates beauty to you and imagine soaking it in. Breathe it in. How does that feel?

Once your energy is completely off of him, he’ll feel it!!

I would love to hear how this works for you!

As always, I love hearing updates and how things are going for you. ????

With Love, Leigha

P.S. I go over everything you need to know to turn your relationship around in my eBook – Make Him Fall In Love All Over Again. You can access it here.



  1. Anon

    Finally an article that reminds us to focus on us when others turn away. But honestly I have to wonder why someone would want to marry someone that can’t communicate or a few months earlier did a 180. That’s a trust issue and a red flag to me. But I like the article nonetheless.

  2. Sandra Chivovo

    Thanks to this article it adds more energy to me already now I know exactly how to go about it.

    • llake

      HI Sandra, I’m so happy this helped you and gave you the clarity you needed!! <3 Leigha

  3. Gabriela Petit

    It’s so hard to do these things because they may realize they don’t want you at all and they move on with your lives while you’re trying to secretly win him back . I know it means he isn’t for you but doesn’t make it hurt any less

    • llake

      Gabriela, Yes, I completely agree. Loving a man who may not love you back is one of the most painful experiences we can go through. <3

  4. Eva S.

    Thank you for the article, I never knew until I read it. Going through a similar situation – living with my boyfriend for nearly a year and suddenly out of blue he turned 180 and said he can’t give me loving relationship I want and wants break. I don’t do breaks as I believe no relationship needs breaks, you either want to be with someone or not. Sad but truth.


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Hey, Leigha here – I’m a mom, wife, lover of the outdoors & Relationship Coach for High-Achieving Women. My mission is to help women steer clear of unhealthy, toxic, soul-destroying relationships and show them how to attract an integrated masculine man, and live a deeply rich and fulfilling life.

Early stages of dating

Bonding stages of dating

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