Here’s a question from Jessica…
“Hi Leigha, My boyfriend of over 5 years recently told me his feelings have changed and he doesn’t know why and if things can get back to the way they were before. He came on really strong in the beginning, he’s the one who moved things forward and brought up marriage within the first 2 months, I don’t understand how his feelings could change so quickly. Is there anything I can do to bring those feelings back? Thank you, Jessica”
I totally get this – I’ve been there! It’s so confusing when one moment with our man feels perfect and then the next moment he feels so far away as if we don’t even exist. It makes us feel completely out of control and a sense of urgency that we need to do something FAST.
Here’s the thing – our first instinct is to try and talk to him about it and make some sense of why he’s doing what he’s doing. This is EXACTLY what NOT to do.
What To Do If He’s A Rubber Band Man
Men follow their instincts even more than we do as women. Interesting, right?
Most likely he’s feeling triggered about something. A man feels compelled to commit to a woman when he thinks his life will be easier with her in it. He needs to know he can make her happy.
Here’s the Truth about men
When we love a man and we’re available to him – when we’re committed to him (even IF there’s no real commitment on his end) – he can feel it. Even if we’re not in front of him, standing by him, looking at him, or talking to him. Sometimes it feels overwhelming to a man and almost TOO much.
If you’re just there with him, listening to him, even if no one is talking – he can feel close to you just by feeling your openness, your presence. You don’t have to DO anything.
Can you feel how much doing nothing (non doing) you really need to do to bring a man close? This what being a love goddess is all about!
This can be a hard thing for us women who are natural givers. (I was the Queen of Over Giving and Making It Too Easy for a man.)
When you learn what not to do with a man – everything can turn around practically overnight.
If we don’t learn what we’re doing that pushes a man away, we’ll keep finding ourselves in the same situations over and over again.
I want to help you avoid the pain and frustration of having to figure it out on your own.
First – let’s go over what NOT to do when he’s giving mixed messages
Don’t reach out and touch him
Don’t ask for a hug (I know it seems like such a little thing!)
Don’t try and get him to “open up” and talk to you
Don’t try and make eye contact
Don’t try and get anything from him
Men are so scared we’re always trying to get something from them. They’re afraid we’re trying to take them somewhere, trap them and put them in a “cage” so to speak.
The truth is – it’s because we usually are. We’re trying to get close and move the relationship forward.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to get close to our man and want a real commitment – the conflict happens when it starts to feel like pressure to him.
Your 3 Step Love Plan To Bring Him Back And Make Him Want To Commit – What To Do
1. Next time you’re with him (I know there will be a next time) – just be there with him. Don’t ask him questions or try and engage him in any way. Be a Love Goddess – a warm, soft, open invitation – that’s ALL you need to do! This will take the pressure off of him.
2. Create Space. Imagine taking a tiny step back and leaning back when you’re with him, or practice leaning back into your chair or the couch. Imagine yourself melting into it. Soften Your Body. Imagine his energy coming towards you – whether you feel it or not. How does that feel?
3. When he starts talking – really listen to him – then express how you’re feeling, really respond to him. Keep it happy, short and sweet – for now.
This will Reconnect Your Relationship – it may take a couple of weeks – and it can also quickly turn things around practically overnight. Men and relationships can turn around on a dime! Men recover much more quickly than we do.
When we learn how to simply BE with our man – we create a bond with him that’s deeper than anything we can do (kissing, touching, sex, making dinner, over giving) or say. It makes him crave being around us. It feels mysterious, sexy and intriguing to him.
If we don’t learn how to just BE with our man and we’re always up in our heads trying to figure him out and we’re feeling anxious and insecure – he can’t connect to us and he doesn’t know why. We’ll keep finding ourselves in this same situation over and over again.
The best thing to do whenever we’re with our men is to lean back – physically and energetically – and BE with him. This is what he craves!
When the relationship is “Reset” and “Reconnected” – you’ll feel like the love goddess you are – with more awareness of exactly how to get your relationship back on track if things ever start to feel “shaky” again.
If your relationship doesn’t get better by you leaning back, being open and listening to him – he’s not your man. Period.
There’s literally nothing you can say to convince him or action you can DO (masculine energy) – to bring him closer – it’s all in your energy.
You can transform your love life simply by being the love goddess you are!
Please let me know how this works for you – I would love to hear your updates!
P.S. If your relationship has become cold and disconnected, you’re going to want to read my ebook, “Make Him Fall In Love All Over Again” right away. I know it will completely transform your love life.
If you’re trying to figure out how to get the commitment you want WITHOUT pressuring your man or giving ultimatums, be sure to check out The Art Of Getting The Commitment You Want program. Understanding what makes a man want to give up his freedom will empower you to let him pursue you. It’s a win/win!