How To Get Him To Want To Pursue You Again – No Matter How Confused And Unsure He Feels!

Leigha Lake

If your man came on really strong in the beginning, and now he’s telling you he’s confused and he doesn’t know how he feels right now, I can help!

Or maybe your relationship feels like it’s moving forward one day and then all of a sudden he’ll seem distant and he’ll stop calling as much or being as affectionate as he usually is. If this is happening, you’re not alone. I’ve been there and I can totally relate.

I remember very clearly sitting on the couch next to the man I loved (and thought I was going to marry) feeling anxious and confused because he didn’t even seem to care if I was there. He wasn’t touching me the way he used to or even really talking to me. I desperately wanted to feel close to him – the way I used to!

Here’s what happens next… we instinctively feel the need to “do” something to create a connection again, stop him from withdrawing and save our relationship. We think if we can just show him how much we care, we can get things “back on track” the way they were in the beginning!

The Things We Do That Accidentally Push Him Away

We tend to do things that feel “friendly” or “loving” to us – but to a man it feels like pressure.

Have you ever done any of these things?

1. Called him just to check in and see how his day is going…

2. Offered to pay for things, run errands for him, drive to him because it’s more convenient for him, planned trips, done his laundry just because (even though he didn’t ask you to), or cooked elaborate meals…

3. Asked him how he feels about you and/or where he sees the relationship going…

I’ve done ALL of these things! I thought doing these things would make me irresistible and a “good” girlfriend!

I’m not saying a woman should never do these things, but it’s CRITICAL to understand why we’re doing them and how it actually comes across to a man.

If we’re doing these things to show a man how interested we are, how much we care – in order to keep from losing him, or hoping to create some kind of connection with him (to us we think we’re being cute and showing confidence) – to a man it comes across as needy and desperate!

It actually dampens his desire to pursue you and get closer!

When you understand how men and relationships really work, you’ll automatically know what “to do” and what to “stop doing” to quickly turn your relationship around and easily get the love, affection and commitment you want from your man.

If you don’t understand what makes a man feel attraction, fall in love and stay in love – you’ll keep finding yourself feeling anxious, sad and frustrated and working really hard to keep your relationship going – only to find him pulling away ANYWAY.

Turn Everything Around Fast – Even If He’s Telling You He’s Confused And He Doesn’t Know How He Feels

Step 1. Stop doing anything that looks or feels like “Man Managing.”

Calling, texting, initiating, advising, suggesting, making plans or anything that looks like trying to move the relationship forward.

Step 2. What to do when a man starts pulling away and telling you he’s confused.

(Most likely he won’t say he’s feeling confused unless we bring up some kind of relationship talk which I don’t recommend.)

Trust he knows what he needs to do to figure things out.

If you can actually start to believe, “He knows what he needs to do and he’ll figure it out.” This will instantly shift your vibe and he’ll get at a “gut” level that you’re a woman who requires a man to step up. It’s VERY attractive to a man and he’ll feel safe to come close!

That’s IT! There’s no need to say another word about it – and IF he’s the man for you – he WILL figure it out and quickly!!

Step 3. Get all of your precious energy back onto yourself – get into your love goddess energy.

(Easier said than done – I know!) Think about what lights you up…what makes you feel excited about life (other than this one man)?

Melt His Heart And Inspire Him To Pursue You Right Now

Imagine your man’s in front of you. Notice what feelings come up for you.

If you instinctively want to get closer – STOP yourself. Be patient. This isn’t about playing games, but about undoing old patterns that are sabotaging your love life.

Melt His Heart By Melting Yours

Now – take a tiny step back, drop your shoulders and imagine your body softening from head to toe – melting like soft, gooey, melty ice cream. He’ll move towards you – he won’t be able to help himself!

This is what I call my Bring Him Close Combo – Space and Softness.

Creating space for him to pursue you (the space he craves and needs) AND it’s also the space you need to see if he’s the man for you and to get into your love goddess energy.

Your love goddess energy is the softness he craves. It’s being a soft, warm, melty invitation. He won’t be able to resist!

As always – please keep me posted, I love receiving your updates!

Love, Leigha

P.S. To learn more about how men and relationships really work – check out my ebook – Make Him Fall In Love All Over Again. I know it will transform your love life forever!


  1. Chantel Strydom

    I love this article… I started doing this yesterday… .. I already see a change!!

    • llake

      Chantel, that’s so amazing!!! <3 <3 <3

  2. Elizabeth

    We have been together 3 years and for the last year he has said Hes unsure of his feelings for me but still says he loves me. Im so confused. I just want him to persue me again. Will this help


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Hey, Leigha here – I’m a mom, wife, lover of the outdoors & Relationship Coach for High-Achieving Women. My mission is to help women steer clear of unhealthy, toxic, soul-destroying relationships and show them how to attract an integrated masculine man, and live a deeply rich and fulfilling life.

Early stages of dating

Bonding stages of dating

Long term relationships


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