“I have a bit of a different situation which I will tell you about. My boyfriend ended up texting me around 5pmtoday to answer my text last night from 10pm. I responded sweetly then another two hours went by so I didn’t respond at all and will in the morning. It was never like this.
We’ve been together for three years and he’s been living with me for a year and a half with little responsibility. I’ve done everything for him (like you said not to) now I have a new job where I will be traveling and not as available anyway. Do I just stop doing everything? My gut feeling is that he once did love me intensely but resents me now. He’s younger than I am and not as motivated. I am successful, confident and pretty amazing. From what I can see my flaw has been catering to him and enabling him. I do love him and am unsure if this approach of stopping everything will work, he’s not the most alpha of males. He’s a musician and an artist and does not have the most active social life.
Anyway, thank you for the advice. I love that you are empowering women and teaching them to love themselves.”
Everything I teach women can be applied to almost ANY romantic relationship because it’s not about a MAN, it’s about you. It’s not about getting a man to “do” something – but shifting your energy in a way that IF he’s the man for you, he’ll be inspired to “step up” and be the man who feels compelled to win you over.
There are really only 2 reasons a relationship doesn’t work.
1. The woman is over-giving, leaning forward, or in her wounded masculine/feminine energy – not in her goddess energy.
2. He isn’t the right man for her. (Either he’s toxic, unavailable, in his wounded masculine/feminine energy or he’s simply not her ideal match – the “reason” doesn’t matter.) I know it sounds too simple and yet this has been my experience after working with so many women.
You have control over #1 – that’s it!
The ONLY way for you to know if he’s capable of being the man for you and giving you the relationship you desire – is for you to stop managing the relationship, over-giving and trying to make anything happen.
You’ll never know if he’s capable of giving you the love and relationship you desire by trying to “help” him, by trying to talk to him about the relationship or how you feel about HIM.
Remember Rowing Your Relationship Raft Tool from Chapter 7?
Imagine your man is sitting in front of you and you’re in a cozy two – person raft in the middle of a lagoon – not too far from shore. The sky is blue, the water is calm and there’s a soft summer breeze.
The shore is close, with white sandy
beaches and palm trees – the shore represents your happily ever after.
Who has the oars? Who’s rowing the raft? Is it YOU? Most likely if you’re reading this – you’re the one rowing, trying to move things along.
If you’re the one rowing – what’s your man doing? Is he just sitting there watching you do all the work? Most likely he’s just hanging out right? He’s probably looking at you funny.
Imagine leaning back into the softest, fluffiest pillows and blankets that are behind you on the raft. Look up to the sky, and put your hand in the water and let it trail in the water.
How does that feel? Easier? More relaxing? Scary? Yes!!! What’s your man doing now? Is he picking up the oars?
There’s a very common theme among women. We believe on a deep level that if we don’t show a man how much we care, how much we love him, or how interested we are – he’s going to just drift away. He’ll think we’re not interested and lose interest.
Please read this over and over. I hear this from almost every single woman who comes to me for help in turning her relationship around. It’s counter-intuitive and feels scary when we stop doing the things we feel compelled to do.
These unconscious thoughts and beliefs you have about what you “should be” doing for a man – are actually sabotaging your love life and pushing a healthy, masculine man away!
WHY do we want to make it easy for men?
Here are the most common reasons I hear from women about why we make it too easy (I thought this way too!)
“He’s going to think I don’t love him if I don’t…”
“He’s going to think I’m mad at him…”
“He’s going to think I’m not interested if I don’t…”
“He’s told me he needs to feel loved and appreciated so I’m scared if I don’t (fill in the blank) he’ll think I don’t care.”
What To Do If Your Man Doesn’t Pick Up The Oars
If you’ve put the oars down and your man makes no move to pick them up and you’re finding yourself getting angry and frustrated do this…
Imagine another life raft floating up to your boat and you taking the initiative to get into the life raft – no matter how scary it feels – and start rowing yourself to shore.
Notice how you feel…
Are you more focused on him, how he feels and how he’s going to make it to shore – more than you’re focused on how you feel and how you’re going to make it to shore?
This is something to start being aware of in your daily life. This is where women self-sabotage and spend YEARS with a man who’s simply not capable of giving them the deep, lasting love they really want.
This action from you will either inspire him to save himself and become the man he needs to be to claim you – or you’ll know without a doubt he’s not the one for you.
Rowing yourself to shore looks like focusing and visualizing on the the life and relationship you want – the one that’s waiting for you when you get to shore.
If you continuously look back and keep your focus on him and the past – you’ll find yourself attracting the same situations over and over again.
When you’re visualizing yourself going through these tools, you’re accessing your subconscious mind – allowing it to work for you! This is why your life can transform practically overnight. All the tools I teach allow you to access your subconscious mind naturally by creating a new experience for you.
The subconscious mind is actively monitoring your outer reality so it can select the “pathway” (out of many possibilities) that will move you closest to the reality that is most consistent with your deepest self-concept (your inner reality).
What you believe on a deep level will ALWAYS be reflected back to you. Your inner reality creates your outer reality. Your subconscious mind is way more powerful than your conscious mind – yet your conscious mind has influence over your subconscious mind. This means you have the opportunity in every moment to transform your life into one of love, magic and bliss by what you choose to focus on.
All it takes is an understanding of how to make your subconscious mind work for you – in a way that’s fun and doesn’t feel like work at all.
I will be going over more in-depth on how to access your subconscious mind and begin to communicate with it so you can allow your subconscious mind to create the reality your heart desires – which is SO much easier than trying to think your way through life, using your willpower and working hard to try and make things happen (which you know I’m not a fan of).
This class will be on January 5th, 2017 in the Love Goddess Mastermind program.
It’s not too late to join.
If you have any questions about the Love Goddess Mastermind program you can contact me. We can also set up a quick 15 minute call to see if it’s the right fit for you.