What To Do When The Man You Love Isn’t Choosing You

Leigha Lake

Here’s a question from Celine, who’s given me permission to share her question here.

“Hi Leigha, We broke up once because of religion. Our parents are the main reason. We still contacted each other after that. After all the break up struggles we got together again although we still didn’t know how to solve the “parents” problem. Now that his parents are asking him to go back to his hometown, I could feel that he tried to distance away from me. I never met his parents. I just hope that there is a chance for them to know me, instead of only knowing my religion.

It is quite a struggle when it comes to religion and families. We are both okay with each other’s religion as we are not that religious after all. It’s our parents that have been rejecting the relationship. He tried to mention it to them before. And he got a “firm-no” answer. I suggested to him a few ways, but he does not think it would work as he knows his parents well and how they would certainly react to it. Thanks a lot.  Celine”

My Answer:

Hi Celine,

I know what you’re going through feels so frustrating and painful.  I’ve actually been through something very similar.  Except I was the one who felt more of a pull towards my parents and the religion they practiced (even though I didn’t practice it anymore).

My fiancé at the time knew I was the one for him but I didn’t have the same conviction.  This is what I believe is happening here as well.

In my experience, if two people are truly meant to be together, nothing will stand in the way.  Meaning, the “excuses or reasons” no matter how real they are, will not prevent a couple from being together.

I think you’re boyfriend has more going on within him that perhaps he doesn’t even know.  Having his parents not approve plus the religion aspect makes for an easy “smoke screen.”

It took me almost a year to figure out that not being able to fully commit myself to my fiancé had nothing to do with my family or religion but something in my heart was letting me know this wasn’t the best relationship for me.

If it wasn’t the best relationship for me, then it’s also just as true it wasn’t the best relationship for my fiancé either.

I know this may be hard to hear.

What To Do When The Man You Love Isn’t Choosing You

The best thing any woman can do moving forward is allow him the space to figure it out.

This does two things:

  1.  You become naturally more attractive in his eyes. By your non-actions, you’re giving off the vibe of – I love myself enough to know the right man for me doesn’t need me to convince him that I’m “the one.”  This is very attractive!
  2.  You’ll ultimately feel better no matter what the outcome is because you know if he does turn around and choose you, he’s doing it all on his own.  If he doesn’t choose you, you’ll know he’s definitely not your “forever man.” (No matter how much it might feel like he is right now.)

If he chooses to follow his parents advice and not continue a relationship with you, there’s really nothing you can say to change his mind.

You don’t want to be begging him to see things differently or trying to convince him he’s making a mistake.  This actually lowers your value in his eyes and it lowers your self-esteem because you intuitively know the right man for you would be doing his best to make you feel loved, cherished, safe and secure.

For the right man to choose us, we have to be willing and brave enough to choose ourselves first!

How To Choose Yourself So A Man Feels Compelled To Choose YOU Now And Always

You choose yourself when you allow there to be space within your relationship so you can tune into your intuition and see what feels like the best and most loving thing you can do for yourself is.

You choose yourself when a man says he’s “confused” or “he doesn’t know how he feels” and you respond by saying, “I hear what you’re saying. You’re free to take all the time you need to figure things out, I just don’t know where I’ll be when you do.”

You choose yourself when you have more faith and trust in the Universe (God) to bring you what you desire than looking to one man to give you the love you want.

Let me know how things go, I love hearing from you!

Love, Leigha

P.S. My ebook – Make Him Fall In Love All Over Again will help you understand how men and relationships work on an energetic level. Everything is energy and once you can really understand this – the love and relationship you want will be inevitable!!


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Hey, Leigha here – I’m a mom, wife, lover of the outdoors & Relationship Coach for High-Achieving Women. My mission is to help women steer clear of unhealthy, toxic, soul-destroying relationships and show them how to attract an integrated masculine man, and live a deeply rich and fulfilling life.

Early stages of dating

Bonding stages of dating

Long term relationships


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