Hey Leigha, I’ve done so much reading on this subject (mostly because it puts me into a better “goddess” frame of mind when I’m reading this stuff) but your advise here was by far the best I’ve read!!
However lol…
How do you handle this long distance?
“I have been seeing a guy for the past 3 months, we live an hour apart which doesn’t seem to bother either of us. He has a young child and came out of a relationship a year ago (just some background), a few weeks ago he had a pull back, after a few days space I approached him about it and he apologized letting me know it was a work thing and after that he was totally back! Better than before! But because of this setback I started second guessing, doing things I shouldn’t do… constantly wanting reassurance that he was in this (he said he is). Anyways after some huge stresses happening at work a week ago he has shut down again. He hasn’t gone awol or anything, he still texts me good morning gorgeous daily and “checks in” but the texts are… colder? Just less meaningful than they used to be. It’s a subtle change but I can feel it! It’s less loving. I’ve been giving him space the last few days, texting only when he texts me, trying to be fun and light and upbeat (which of course is the opposite of what I’ve felt crying into ice cream and basically grieving the relationship lol) but today I can actually feel my inner goddess beginning to shine again… I’ve let go. Now he’s still texting but it’s still short… what should I be doing? Am I doing the right thing so far… I’m scared if I give him too much space he will lose interest so how do I keep that interest and still give him the space he really does deserve? Mel”
Here’s My Answer:
Hi Mel, This is such a great question because it’s so so common! As women we have this underlying belief/fear that if we don’t show a man how much we love him, he’s just going to drift away and move on. We’re afraid that if HE thinks we don’t care, then he’ll “give up” and make up his mind, without even talking to us about it.
What if… it wasn’t possible to “give” a man too much space…
What if … by simply focusing on your own life and happiness, you became an invitation he couldn’t resist?
I’ve seen this happen over and over again.
For some reason we think we need to work hard for the love we desire and prove our worthiness…
“I’m scared if I give him too much space he will lose interest so how do I keep that interest and still give him the space he really does deserve?”
This is one of the BIGGEST sabotaging beliefs we have when it comes to love. It falls right into – not believing we’re lovable, or worthy, or deserving of the love we desire. It’s completely fear based and it causes us to do and say things we wouldn’t normally do or say!
If we think about this logically – when has a man EVER just disappeared or withdrawn because he thought you didn’t care or love him enough? Most likely this has never happened.
What does happen is – a man stops feeling the “love and attraction” he felt in the beginning and rather than hurting your feelings, he WILL just back away and withdraw without talking about it. Then, when you’re super sweet and caring and wanting to “talk” about things and “work on them,” he starts to wonder why you’d accept his behavior. He starts to think there’s something wrong you with you – he feels it on an energetic level.
This works with both partners. I remember feeling confused and uncertain about a man and the more he wanted to be with me and help me (convince me) see how amazing we were together, the more it pushed me away. If he had valued himself enough to NOT chase me and allow me to work through my doubts, things may have turned out differently. When someone tries to convince us of something or persuade us into seeing things from their point of view – it AUTOMATICALLY makes us want to back away.
What To Do While He’s Figuring Out How He Feels
1. You can’t talk yourself out of feeling anxious and worried
What you can do is – focus on your life as best as you can. Then, affirm to yourself that the right man for you will come close and show you how much he loves you, as long as you can give him the space to do so. The KEY here is to TRUST that he will, and if he doesn’t then he’s not the man for you.
Believing that you need to “make sure” that he knows how much you love him, is only causing you to react out of fear.
2. Trust that if he’s not “the one” – then there’s another man who’s an even better match for you.
Trusting that the right man for you will pursue you, instantly creates a magnetic vibe that’s extremely irresistible.
Trusting that there’s a better man for you if this one can’t love you the way you need to be loved, allows you to release your attachment to this one man – which energetically keeps the “gap” open. (If you’re attached to him, he’ll feel it and pull away.)
Here are a few Love Truths to empower you in love:
It’s not my job to “close the gap” and make sure a man doesn’t lose interest.
It’s actually not possible that the right man for me can lose interest.
I don’t have to work for love.
Love comes to me easily.
I move on easily if a man’s energy isn’t coming towards me.
I no longer give my time and energy to a man who isn’t pursuing me.
I love myself so much that men feel safe to get as close as they can.
If things feel bad, I naturally lean back even further to reassess what’s going on.
Loving myself more than anyone – allows me the freedom to love with all my heart.
Let me know how things go!
Love, Leigha
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