What To Do If Fighting And Mistrust Caused Him To Shut Down

Leigha Lake

Here’s a question from a reader who left her question on the blog and she’s given me permission to answer her here.

The Question:

“Hi Leigha,

I am always been a silent fan of your site. I have been reading your blogs over and over again. It helps a lot to made me think what I want in a relationship and what do I deserve. But here’s my situation that I didn’t expect to ask….

My bf and I broke up over a year ago and just recently got back. We broke up because he cheated on me after a year of living together. It was a mutual break up though. We both decided to end it because I couldn’t trust him anymore after what he did. Then after a 12 months of not talking, he asked for another chance. I have already moved on and actually got a bf after him which lasted only for 4 months. He consistently approached me. Old feelings came back so I decided to gave him a chance. For 2 months everything were ok. Everyday he was stepping up. He even introduce me again to his parents. Also he suggested to make a dinner for my family. I was happy about it. Until yesterday, something triggered me to cause a fight. I confronted him if he was cheating on me again and so he explained that there was none and when I said sorry, realizing it was all my fault, he doesn’t wanna accept my apology. I left the house leaving his house added to his disappointment from my accusation over him. He said that it just means and proved that I still don’t trust him anymore. And I guess we can’t be together again. I feel devastated. I love him and I to be with him but how can I make him understand that due to what happened, I might go crazy sometimes and be paranoid but I want him to have a patience on me and put me back to normal state of mind. Right now we are not talking and I respect his silence and I did not even try talking or sending msgs since then.

Please advise me what to do and if do I deserve this kind of treatment from him making it a major issue when I already admitted my fault?



My Answer:

Hi Ria,  First of all, thank you so much for your sweet words!!  I feel happy my blogs have helped you so far!

I know how hard it is to trust again after we’ve been heartbroken over a certain man.  It’s not easy moving past those fears knowing there’s a possibility of it not working out again.

Of course you don’t deserve any kind of harsh treatment.

He’s doing the best he can…and so are you!

The best thing you can do – moving forward:

Repeat to yourself:  I’m doing the best I can.  He’s doing the best he can.

There’s nothing more “to do” here.

I believe everything happens for a reason.  The Universe loves us so much it’s going to keep moving us towards the kind of love we’ve always dreamed of.  The Universe has your back – there’s no doubt about it.

He may not be the man for you.  He may be a messenger on your road to True Love, helping heal parts of you that need to be healed.

Start Healing Yourself This Way

Imagine he’s right in front of you.

Ask him what his message is for you (the first thing that comes to mind). Write it down.

Thank him energetically for coming into your life.

Now – Imagine turning your back on him and facing all of your dreams, desires, goals and everything you’re passionate about.

What does that look like?

Write it down.

Let me know what you see!

Love, Leigha

P.S.  I don’t believe you can push the right man away – unless you really really try.  (Thinking that you can only causes more grief.)  I hope you’ll adopt this belief too!


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Hey, Leigha here – I’m a mom, wife, lover of the outdoors & Relationship Coach for High-Achieving Women. My mission is to help women steer clear of unhealthy, toxic, soul-destroying relationships and show them how to attract an integrated masculine man, and live a deeply rich and fulfilling life.

Early stages of dating

Bonding stages of dating

Long term relationships


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