How To Get Out Of The Friend Zone FAST!

Leigha Lake

If you’re feeling anxious and confused because your man is acting like he’s your best friend…

Or he’s broken up with you and told you that it’s not working out – and yet he’s calling you and even wanting to hang out with you – I know how confusing and bad it feels.

It doesn’t make any sense!  And the more we try and analyze why he’s doing what he doing – the worse we feel!

When a man’s pulled away – and then he comes close again – we’ll do almost anything to keep  him from pulling away again!  The thing is – we typically do the exact thing that keeps us in the “friend” zone.

How To Get Out Of The Friend Zone FAST!

Our instincts tell us to be super caring, nice, understanding and loving – even though we feel sad (hurt) and confused.

We think if we’re nice and understanding – he’ll realize how great we are (and cool!) and feel safe to get closer and closer.  This actually creates fear in a man.  When we act nice and loving to try and GET HIM – he can feel it and it feels like pressure to him and it makes him want to run away as fast as possible.

So what CAN we do?  And do we look at his actions or his words??

We’re always told a man’s actions speak louder than his words… and sometimes he acts like your boyfriend when he’s telling you he’s not ready or you’re just friends!

The KEY here is to stop trying to get anything from this man.  Don’t try and be his girlfriend, don’t try and DO anything.

Why He Sees You As A Friend

He’ll see you as a friend if you’re always doing things for him and in your masculine energy.  Let’s recap the difference between masculine and feminine energy.

Masculine Energy is Leaning Forward:

  • Giving
  • Doing
  • Initiating
  • Planning
  • Suggesting
  • Advising
  • Making things happen energy

Feminine Energy is Leaning Back:

  • Feeling
  • Being
  • Receiving
  • Responding
  • Allowing
  • Trusting energy

The Way To Turn This Around And To Get Him To Want You

The only way to turn this around is to be in your feminine energy when you’re with him.  He won’t be able to resist you!

STOP doing any of these things that are making it too easy for him…

What does making it “too easy” look like?

  • Worrying about him when he hasn’t called
  • Checking up on him
  • Talking to him for hours on the phone
  • Cooking for him just because you want to spend time with him
  • Offering to drive to him/pick him up because it’s more convenient for him
  • Updating him with your life
  • Making arrangements for him, looking into things for him
  • Helping him out financially
  • Wanting to impress him
  • Wanting him to know you’re interested just incase he’s wondering if you are
  • Getting sexual when it doesn’t feel good, hoping it will make him want you more

… by stopping doing ALL of these things you’ll become a woman who values herself more than a man and it will change the way he looks at you instantly!

If you don’t learn how to value yourself more than a man and continue to be his “friend” secretly hoping for more – (even though he’s told you you’re just friends or he’s recently broken up with you) – and you keep trying to move things forward towards your Happily Ever After – you’ll never have a chance to see if he CAN do a real relationship.  He’ll feel content to just string you along as long as you’re willing and you’ll feel worse and worse and wonder what you’re doing wrong, or if there’s something wrong with you.

If you’ve stopped giving, doing, initiating and trying to move things forward in any way and things still feel bad to you.. 

Express how you really feel and what you don’t want – it’s your best chance to see if he’ll step up.  It’s also the best thing you can do for your self-esteem and confidence and over all well-being.

It’s also VERY attractive to a man when a woman isn’t willing to be “just friends” with a man when she really wants more.  It sends a very powerful vibe out into the world that this woman values herself.  A woman HAS to value herself before a man can value her.

The quickest way to get the man and love of your dreams is to NOT act like his friend when what you really want is a real commitment – no matter what.

Here’s the thing – when a man tells us he wants to be just friends or that the relationship isn’t working out – typically we have something to say about it.  We feel compelled to say things like…

“It can work out!  We’re so good together!  I wish you could see what I see.”
“I can’t believe you’re doing this!”
“Are you seeing somebody else??”

And almost everything we want to say – puts him on a pedestal – as though he’s The Prize instead of YOU!

Chances are … if you’re reading this… you’re already in this situation…he’s already ended things or he’s come back wanting to be friends.

If You’re Being His Friend Or Your Ex Is Still Contacting You And Keeping You In His Life – Do This

Here’s your action plan to get you out of just being his friend –

1.  Get out of your “boy” energy and into your “girl” energy fast!!
Lean back and STOP doing anything that looks and feels like leaning forward (even thinking about him when he’s not in front of you!) and see what he does…AND keep your life going!!  Get excited about your life.  There’s something SO irresistible about a woman who doesn’t focus on a man and who feels happy in her life with or without a man.  This is what gets you the guy!

2.  If things don’t shift quickly – Express how you feel… get your “speech” ready!
Chances are he already knows how you feel about HIM, let him know how it feels to you….  BE a woman who knows her worth!!
“John, I really love talking with you, and it also feels really bad and confusing and I don’t want to be just friends – this isn’t what I want.”  Then get off the phone.  Don’t talk about the relationship or ask him questions.

3.  Get Yourself Out Of There
Hopefully you’re staying open to other men – and if you haven’t been get yourself an online dating profile ASAP and let other men take you out.  It’s the quickest way to shift your vibe and start feeling better.

4.  Take Care Of Yourself In The Best Way Possible
Go to the gym, go to a girlfriends house, go get a massage, go for a drive (going for a drive helped me the most).

I know this feels really hard and you’d almost rather have him in your life in the smallest way possible – than NOT at all.

Right Now – It’s time to do something completely different to help you quickly attract the man and love you want – write down the 10 feelings you want to feel in your ideal relationship – this is your Love Compass!

Then in specific detail – write down your perfect day in your perfect relationship.  How do you wake up?  How do you get ready?  What do you wear?  What’s he doing?  Where are you?  How do you feel?  Mentally visualize yourself going through your day 3 times.

What can you start doing today – for the next 30 days to make this visualization come to life?

When you get happy – without this man – that’s when he’ll come back.  And the only thing that matters here – is that he’s coming back to claim you forever.  Not to be your friend!  If he still wants to be friends – say Goodbye for good!

I know this is harsh advice – and I truly want you to be with a man who knows how amazing you are down to every cell in your body.

Love, Leigha

P.S.  I’ve experienced a man wanting to be my friend when I wanted something more – and what I found out in the end – was he really wasn’t my friend at all.  He would rather string me along than tell me he didn’t want a relationship with me.  He also liked me in his life – and men love having women “on the side!”

Don’t be his woman on the side!  The absolute best thing we can ever do is following our feelings – does this man make us feel good? Then no matter what he’s saying or doing or NOT saying and doing – we can tell if we should stay or go.  We never have to worry about trusting a man again because we just KNOW we won’t stay in a situation that feels bad. Period!


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Hey, Leigha here – I’m a mom, wife, lover of the outdoors & Relationship Coach for High-Achieving Women. My mission is to help women steer clear of unhealthy, toxic, soul-destroying relationships and show them how to attract an integrated masculine man, and live a deeply rich and fulfilling life.

Early stages of dating

Bonding stages of dating

Long term relationships


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