What To Do When A Man Can’t Make Up His Mind

Leigha Lake

Here’s a question from Rheyna who’s experiencing her man withdrawing and being hot and cold and wondering if it’s time for her to move on and exactly how to do that – especially when her heart wants to stay.

The Question:

“Hi Leigha,

I have been in a relationship with this man for 5 years. For the last few months we have been off and on and our relationship has been very rocky. I am still madly in love with him even though he admitted to not caring about my feelings or me for that matter. I am probably going to answer my own questions on here, but I want to hear what you have to say. He broke it off and said that he no longer feels a connection between us and he feels that sex is the only thing that we have in common. Then a few weeks later he texts me telling me he misses me and loves me and wants to work things out. We try and I see no effort on his part, so we break it off again and recently, we tried again but this time he showed me something I have never seen from him. He is very honest and I asked if he had slept with someone else and he said yes and I asked questions and he answered them all of course I was devastated and broke down but this time he actually comforted me and opened up and CRIED. I have never seen him cry. So dumb me I try to work things out and then he does the I don’t love you thing again. I know he loves me but not the same way. I know he cares but in a different way. I want marriage and it scares him. I know I should let go but I don’t know how. We were planning to get married and sign off on a house early this year and its not like I don’t even know what is going to happen to us. Please given me some insight in how to let go and be okay being by myself and working on myself. Thank you, Rheyna”

My Answer:

Hi Rheyna,

I can completely understand where you’re coming from, as I’ve been there myself.

You have answered your own question as far as your relationship is concerned. (We always have the answers inside of us, we just typically don’t have the tools to help us move forward in the easiest way possible.)

I know it’s so heartbreaking when the man we love doesn’t love us the way we want him to. (He loves us as a friend and we see forever with him.)

How To Heal Your Heart So You Can Attract And Have Real Love 

Step 1.  Believe everything happens for a reason

I believe everything happens for a reason and even if we don’t understand the reason, believing the Universe is ALWAYS working on our behalf, knowing how to bring our true desires to us quicker and easier than we do, allows us to start trusting in the timing of everything!

Going into WHY things have happened they way they have puts us in a chaotic place, spinning and spinning until we end up exhausted.

If we believe things are happening TO us, we put ourselves in the most powerless position possible and we become a victim to life. There is no hope here.

Step 2.  Knowing the natural energy dynamic between the feminine and masculine energies, will heartbreak proof your love life. 

Learn as much as you can on the roles of the masculine and feminine energies in a romantic relationship, to make sure you’re not accidentally pushing love away. I have so much free information here on my website on this exact topic. You can learn these in my eBook – Make Him Fall In Love All Over Again.

Step 3.  We heal in the presence of masculine energy.

Be open to dating other men.  So many times we think we need to sit on the sidelines until we feel up to dating again when allowing ourselves to be in the presence of other men can actually help us heal.

It helps us to see there is more than this ONE man who can make us happy.

We can learn to express our most authentic selves (this is the real work) which makes us a magnet for the love and relationship we want (and everything we desire).

Whether you decide to do online dating or just be open to men in your daily life, please stay open.

Step 4.  Do not continue to date a man who’s consistently hot and cold.

This will only make your self-esteem go down and you’ll question yourself more and more which results in even more heartbreak.

If you can start believing you deserve a man who wants nothing more than to love you and give you the time, attention, affection, fun, passion, romance and lifelong commitment you want, you’ll start to see clearly and begin to move in the direction of your dreams.

The One Thing You Can Start Doing This Instant To Heal Your Heart

Trust this relationship is bringing you closer to the love and relationship you’ve always wanted. Trust this is part of your process.  We ALL have a process we need to go through that’s unique to each of us.

Write down everything you want in a relationship.  Imagine what a normal day would feel like if you had the love you wanted. Do this every day.  The Art Of Getting The Commitment You Want will help you with implementing new beliefs about love.

Now, imagine your heart as a magnet bringing that love to you. Go about your day RIGHT NOW being love.  Imagine you ARE pure love (because you ARE).

It’s ok if you cry and feel sad (this is part of your process).

Affirm to yourself that you’re not going to let ONE man devastate you. (No man should have the power to devastate us.) You’re now ONLY available to men who’s energy is consistently coming towards you.

If a man wavers on how he feels, it’s your sign he’s probably not the man for you.  When we feel this way on the inside, men who can’t love us the way we want to be loved, no longer appeal to us. It’s a win/win.

Love, Leigha


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Hey, Leigha here – I’m a mom, wife, lover of the outdoors & Relationship Coach for High-Achieving Women. My mission is to help women steer clear of unhealthy, toxic, soul-destroying relationships and show them how to attract an integrated masculine man, and live a deeply rich and fulfilling life.

Early stages of dating

Bonding stages of dating

Long term relationships


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