Let’s talk about what healthy men do and don’t do, so you can clearly understand what a healthy relationship “looks” like.
This blog could trigger you. If you know you’re in a healthy relationship, don’t let my words cause you to turn in on yourself and question your relationship. Got it? Good. 🙂
A healthy man will allow you to feel safe, listened to, heard, seen, and validated (as long as he’s dealing with a reasonable, empowered woman). It may not happen 100% of the time, but definitely a majority of the time.
A relationship with a healthy masculine man feels balanced and nourishing most of the time.
If you’re reading this, I’m almost positive you’re a reasonable, empowered woman, and your needs and desires are not too much! Any man who makes you feel as if you’re too much gives you all the information you need to walk away.
A healthy man’s DNA is designed explicitly so that he’s naturally inspired and activated to make his partner’s life easier and better in any way he can. As long as a woman communicates lovingly and calmly, he’ll do almost anything!
I’ll be so bold as to say a healthy man NEVER plays the victim. (Hello, wounded feminine!) If a man does play into a victim mindset, he’s either emotionally immature, deep into his wounded feminine, or toxic (or all 3).
A healthy man is solution-focused, not problem-focused.
You can’t “out-feminine” a wounded feminine man. It’s your own empowered masculine supporting your feminine energy that will activate a man’s masculine energy. (This looks like being in your own life raft and having your own back, this is what an irresistible, integrated woman embodies.)
Healthy men don’t devalue or under-appreciate their partners. They will never energetically push you down and make you think and feel you’re not doing enough or that you could be doing better. If you’re having a difficult time, they want to know if there’s anything they can do to help.
Healthy men are not perfect and deserve grace. They do their best to live by an internal compass of integrity simply because they’re innately empowered masculine.
If your man is doing something that bothers you, you can trust that he has no idea it bothers you (or he’s forgotten), and your job is to approach him lovingly, and you can be sure he’ll try and remember to do the thing you’ve requested. They DO listen and WANT to make you happy.
Unhealthy men won’t make an effort to change or do things differently. (Asking a man to do something different is not asking him to change who he is. There’s a huge difference.)
Healthy men don’t blame you for relationship problems, emotionally manipulate, create drama (they RUN from drama), make plans without considering you, or make the relationship about their needs.
Healthy men are interested in you, your feelings, and your life!
Obviously, there’s a whole book that can be written about this, but I’ll start here.
If you can recognize that you’re with a healthy, empowered masculine man, I’m so so happy for you!!
If you’re unsure, the way to know for sure if your man can be the man you need him to be is to start implementing boundaries and treating yourself as if you matter.
While men and women are different, you can always ask yourself if what your partner is doing or saying is something you’d say or do if you loved someone. The answer becomes really clear.
Become the man you need for yourself. Treat yourself like you would like your partner to treat you, and you’ll begin to see your partner for who he really is. It will either naturally activate him to step up, or he’ll have a tantrum; either way, you’ll know!
If you’d like my help with this, I’m currently offering single, 60-minute coaching sessions to help women discern what their next steps are in healing their relationship and/or figuring out if their relationship can be what they want it to be.
While each situation and relationship dynamic is unique, men are predictable. Our job is to define what works for us and what doesn’t and to make sure we are only available for loving, healthy relationships.
Are you in a loving, healthy relationship? This is the most important question you could answer because it affects the quality of your life.
If you’re single, be sure to watch for these red flags that healthy men don’t do!
I’d love to hear what comes up for you with this! Please leave a comment with your biggest take-away.