How To Quickly Recognize The Right Man For You (Learn The 3 Archetypes Every Woman Needs To Know)

Leigha Lake

Let’s talk about how simple and predictable men are and how to quickly recognize if a man is capable of being a healthy relationship partner. Once you know what to look for, then everything becomes obvious!

A busy, successful woman with high standards does not want to go out with a lot of men she’s not attracted to or interested in, not now or ever.

She’s got way too much going on in her life and doesn’t have the time, energy, or patience.

 The good news is, you don’t have to!

 I’ve created an entirely different approach to dating that allows for amazingly quick results. I call it “Elevated Dating.” It’s the exact opposite of dating a lot of men. (You can learn more about Elevated Dating in Healthy Relationship Mastery or 1:1 Coaching.)

 The Elevated Dating Method is about learning to recognize 3 archetypes of men within 3 dates (or less!).

 First is to discern whether or not you’re enough of a match with a man to meet in person based on how he communicates with you. The way a man communicates with you is so telling. And then, once you do meet, recognize who a man is within the first three dates. (This is incredibly empowering but also fun! When a client goes out on a first date and shares the details, it’s easy to see!)

 Elevated Dating elevates your frequency, and puts you in the driver’s seat allowing you to see from a higher perspective. Men are easy to read, showing you who they are right away. This is where your true power is.

Many strong, independent women give their power away simply because they don’t recognize the difference between an integrated man and a man with potential until too much time has passed. (A woman will know in a very short amount of time if she’s going to continue seeing a man.)

There are three archetypes of men that most high-achieving women tend to be attracted to or attract (even though they’ve done years of self-development and inner work). I call them the Surfer (energy is slower and heavy), the Sailor (energy is constant and balanced), and the Seducer (energy is faster and aggressive).

Imagine you’re out at sea in your cozy life raft. Your job is to recognize (by how you feel) what archetype a man is when he shows up. (Also, imagine your life raft as a beacon to an integrated man, and the beacon gets brighter the more discerning and aware you become of these archetypes.)

The Surfer can show up in many ways. It’s the essence that matters most here. His energy is the “distorted/wounded feminine.” It’s the slower energy of a flake, a drifter, a dreamer, a floater, a coaster; he can be somewhat unsteady and unclear on his path with no urgency. He’s also a man who loves life; he loves adventure and has many great ideas. He has so much potential!!

The Surfer does not have a life raft, but he’s very charming, so the successful woman usually thinks it’s a good idea if he climbs into her life raft. It won’t be too long before her life raft starts to feel heavy and unbalanced.

The Seducer… well… need I say more? Lol, His energy is distorted/wounded masculine.

Remember, these archetypes are on a spectrum, so they can show up in many ways, but it’s the essence that counts!

He typically makes a lot of money, he’s very successful, and he’s incredibly charming! He knows how to show a woman a good time, and he moves fast! He’s very generous and makes you feel like you’re the only woman who exists.

When a woman meets a seducer, she suddenly feels like she’s always wanted to feel with a man. His life raft is a luxury yacht, of course! His pattern is to invite women to his boat, where they wonder if this could be their life (for a short amount of time)!

Then they go back to their life raft and realize how much they enjoyed the yacht, but the Seducer is no longer initiating or planning anything. He tells her to come over anytime but makes no effort to see her. It’s very easy for a woman to justify leaving (abandoning) her life raft “just to see” if there’s something there – when the signs clearly say he’s not the man for her.

His behavior has nothing to do with her!! (This is where a woman ends up diving deep into the Law Of Attraction/Masculine and Feminine Energy dynamics and learning about how to “inspire a man’s attraction,” but in the end, he was never the man for her.)

It’s just who he is. He’s interested but at his capacity level. Women will often think they did something wrong or try and figure out how to get him interested again. (This can also be applied to the Surfer as well.)

Imagine being in your life raft. Now imagine a sailor navigates his boat over to you, and then he tethers up to yours. How does that feel?

This is precisely how it feels to meet an integrated man and someone who’s an aligned match for you. It should feel somewhat exciting and pique your interest and curiosity. His energy feels different yet good!! It’s steady, constant, balanced energy. He’s focused on you, and you can feel it.

The Sailor is the integrated man. He’s a man who’s aware and sensitive yet incredibly capable of managing his life and going after the things that matter to him. You don’t feel pulled off balance by him.

When a woman engages in Elevated Dating, she has a new higher perspective and becomes very aware of who the man is in front of her by noticing how she feels. (The Six Magnetic Mindsets For Maximum Attraction” also allow a woman to date from a higher perspective and frequency!)

Just because a man might be a “surfer” or “seducer” doesn’t mean she has to stop dating him right then and there, but it allows her to date with a clearer perspective. (Just like “red flags,” don’t mean to run away that very moment…it’s about waiting and seeing until you’re clear on what needs to happen next.)

If it’s difficult to discern what archetype is showing up, see if you can determine which side of the spectrum he’s on. Is it the distorted feminine side where you feel the need to help him? Or, the distorted masculine side where you feel a longing for more of his attention? Both? Or do things feel just about right and balanced?

The more healing and inner work a woman has done, the more common it is to recognize both distorted and wounded energies in past relationships.

This clear perspective on the men who are showing up elevates a woman’s frequency naturally and makes her a magnetic match for the right man.

A woman’s energy naturally shifts into a more integrated, powerful, and centered position while dating when using the Elevated Dating Method. (You now get to see these men from a higher perspective.) From here, it’s only a matter of time before an integrated masculine man shows up, and you’ll easily recognize him!

The Elevated Dating Method is part of the Secrets Of The Integrated Woman program and Healthy Relationship Mastery.

It’s specifically for women who’re busy and successful in their lives, is beyond ready for an integrated man to show up (without hyper-focusing on it or going on a lot of dates with men who aren’t a match), and want the most potent coaching, tools, and shifts in the quickest and easiest way possible.

Learn more about Secrets Of The Integrated Woman here (This is a Private 1:1 Coaching Program)

Learn more about Healthy Relationship Mastery Here. 



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Hey, Leigha here – I’m a mom, wife, lover of the outdoors & Relationship Coach for High-Achieving Women. My mission is to help women steer clear of unhealthy, toxic, soul-destroying relationships and show them how to attract an integrated masculine man, and live a deeply rich and fulfilling life.

Early stages of dating

Bonding stages of dating

Long term relationships


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