Something that happens all too often when a relationship starts to feel “shaky” from a man pulling away is that a woman instinctively starts chasing. She wants answers and reassurance – so the most natural thing for her to “do” when a man creates space is to close the gap. The only thing is, is that we never get the REAL reassurance we’re craving.
Chasing looks like doing any of these things listed below when he’s confused, unsure, needs time and space, withdraws, pulls away – you get the idea!!
Asking him what’s wrong? (I know it seems SO innocent!!)
Telling him how you feel about him
Asking him how he feels about you
Telling him how great the two of you are together (ewwww!!!)
Trying to convince him in ANY way to be in a relationship with you
Doing nice, sweet things for him
This is where it starts….
Have you ever experienced a man coming on super strong in the beginning; calling, texting, making plans, talking about the future and introducing you to friends and family – only to have him start to pull away, withdraw and say he’s confused and he needs some time and space?
Or maybe he just pulled away without saying a word which left you feeling worried, anxious and trying to figure out what’s going on?
The worst part about it is, no matter what you try and do to get your mind off of him, you feel horrible and you want more than anything to send him a message, or call him and tell him what a jerk he’s being and you’re not going to tolerate it (except you are tolerating it and saying something like that only makes him see you as needy and desperate).
When you learn and understand how men and relationships really work, you’ll never find yourself in this situation again. You’ll understand how to re-balance a relationship if it becomes off balance.
If you don’t learn and understand how men and relationships really work, you’ll find yourself worrying and feeling confused as to why your man does what he does and why your relationship never feel as good as you want it to. You’ll find yourself accidentally doing and saying things that don’t work when it comes to having the love and connection you truly desire.
2 Simple Steps To Get Your Power Back If He’s Becoming Distant And Pulling Away
Step #1: The most important thing to do if your boyfriend or husband is pulling away is NOTHING. (This is actually invisible action, it takes a lot of strength and self-control to not react and to manage your energy.)
I know this goes against everything you’ve probably been told by well meaning friends and family, or what your natural instincts want you to do.
When a man pulls away, it’s devastating and heartbreaking. If you reach out to him to try and get some clarity as to what’s going on, it never feels good like you think it’s going to feel. In fact, it only makes you feel worse and more insecure (even though you’re not an insecure woman!!).
Here’s what to do:
- If he’s choosing to create space – the most empowering thing you can do is allow that space to be there without acting through any type of urgency to close the gap or fix it. (You may think this is inauthentic or playing games but it’s the complete opposite!! You are a powerful woman who refuses to chase, pursue or try and get a man to change his mind – a man who’s choosing to create space between the two of you. It’s a completely different energy – your energy is what a man can FEEL – whether he knows it or not.
- Trust that if he’s the man for you, he’s going to close the gap all on his own – without you even needing to say something. (He doesn’t need your help!!)
- If he’s not the man for you, you’ll know!! You’ll have the clarity you need simply by how you feel. If things feel bad there’s a reason!
- If he’s not in front of you, he doesn’t exist! (Easier said than done, I know!)
You may not want to do these things I just listed. If you do, you’ll start to feel stronger from the inside out. He’ll be able to feel this energetically (EVERYTHING is energy) and IF he’s the man for you, he’ll come close again.
A typical mistake women make when a man comes close again is, they shut down, or they act like everything’s ok when it’s not, or they lash out.
Step #2: Express How You Feel Without Blaming Him Or Making Him Wrong – And Without Any Drama
He calls, texts or comes over. Notice how you feel. Most likely you feel happy to see him AND you feel confused. Let him talk first. As women, it’s so ingrained in us to start talking first, especially if there’s any awkward silence. We can barely stand it. See what he has to say. Notice how it feels to you. It will either bring feelings of relief or you’ll feel that something is off still.
Here are two typical scenarios:
Him: “Hi, I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch, I’ve been working through some things, I would love to take you out to dinner.”
You: “Hi, It feels good to see you (because it does otherwise you wouldn’t even care if he pulled away) thank you for saying that, it would feel good to go to dinner…”
Him: “What’s up?” (No acknowledgment of his behavior) Or, “Work has been really busy, do you want to come over and watch a movie?” (Last minute plans.)
You: “Hmmm… thank you for the invite. It feels better to me to have plans made more in advance.”
No explaining yourself or trying to get him to do anything. Simply expressing!
Let him answer, and really hear him. Most likely no woman has ever express herself to him in this way. Notice how you feel when you can authentically express how you’re feeling without blaming him or making him wrong. No drama necessary.
If he doesn’t start consistently moving towards you after you’ve expressed yourself, then you know he’s choosing not to and he’s not the man for you.
You can let him know that things no longer feel good to you and you don’t see this working between the two of you.
You can start to get your power back right now – there’s no need to wait! Learning how to express how you feel is one of the most empowering things you can for all of your relationships.