Hi Leigha here….
Here’s a question from a lovely woman who’s experiencing a situation that’s just too common – and it doesn’t have to be this way!!
I’m so passionate about teaching women there’s an easier way to date and attract the love they desire.
(Names changed for privacy.)
“Hi Leigha!
I just bought your eBook (Make Him Fall In Love All Over Again) and I saw the questions at the end of it. I feel like my situation is extremely confusing and could use some additional help.
I will briefly explain. I met James on Bumble back in December 2016 (I am 26 he is 35). We instantly clicked, saw each other every week, talked on the phone and text everyday all day and I felt like he was going to become my boyfriend. Around the 5th month, he said he needed time to figure out what he wanted and needed space to figure it out. This instantly shocked me and I was so afraid to lose him so I didn’t automatically pull back because let’s face it, I was scared! James has a terrible dating history of girls leaving him, cheating on him etc.
James and I went one month without seeing each other, but he would initiate conversation almost everyday. When I saw him again, we had a really nice night full of laughs that was stress free and I think he really enjoyed himself. He told me right before we saw each other that “nothing was going to change right now” but I KNOW he has feelings for me. Now I don’t know where we stand.
How can I get him to not only commit to me, but trust that I’m not going to leave him?I’ve read so many books and yours has helped the most but I figured I would go a step further and maybe get some advice.
Thank you so much! Amanda”
My Answer:
Hi Amanda
First, I want you to know how common this is and I know it feels devastating and heartbreaking!
One of the most empowering things I learned when I was dating was understanding the difference in a man’s relationship timeline (his Love Map) and a woman’s relationship timeline (her Love Map). This is covered in The Art Of Getting The Commitment You Want.
Learning and understanding these crucial differences completely changed my perspective and experience with dating. Dating no longer felt hard and challenging. I felt like I had the “secret” to understanding men.
When you know what to focus on while you’re dating a man, you’ll avoid unnecessary heartbreak and you’ll “see” the signs (red flags) of whether or not he’s capable of being the man you need him to be. (The “signs” are always there in the beginning.)
If you don’t know what to focus on, it’s way too easy to accidentally make what a man’s doing and saying mean something way more than they actually do. (He’s most likely NOT trying to mislead you, he’s just caught up in the moment.)
When I met my husband, you might already know this, but I KNEW he was “the one” by the end of our first weekend together. (February 4th, 2012)
Here’s what I didn’t do, I didn’t allow myself to get too far ahead of where we actually were in our relationship. I gave both of us the gift of TIME to really get to know each other, without putting pressure on him by needing reassurance we were on the same page. (I had done this in the past!)
The attitude, vibe, mindset, state of being I embraced was…
“I have all the time in the world to enjoy this man and get to know him.”
Notice how you feel after reading that. Feel free to use it as your own!
I knew that IF things stopped feeling great, I could always go back to dating multiple men at a time (which is the quickest way to heal and remove any limiting beliefs blocking love). I felt safe because I knew I wouldn’t stay in a situation that felt bad.
This vibe that “I have all the time in the world,” allows a man to feel safe. Safe enough to want to get closer and closer, because he can feel on an energetic level whether or not we’re trying to move things forward towards some kind of commitment.
The Secret Combination To Having The Love You Want
If You Don’t Know Where You “Stand” With A Man, Do This:
Imagine he’s right in front of you…
Notice how you feel…
Sad, lonely, disconnected?
Now imagine turning around and seeing 100’s of gorgeous, handsome men LINED up to date you.
How does that feel?
IF you notice that you don’t care – and that you just want HIM and these other guys don’t matter – that’s where your energy is blocking love.
(It’s like being in a pool, swimming towards a ball and the waves you’re making are only making it move farther away from you. You’re energy is working against you.)
If you’re more interested in being with a man who doesn’t know what he wants than being open to high quality masculine men, that’s something for you to take a look at.
If you can at least be open to both, then love can make it’s way to you.
The best thing you can do from here – get all of your energy back onto yourself and your life and give yourself the love and energy you’re craving from a man – even if it’s just for today. This will shift things quickly!
As far as making sure he trusts you’re not going to leave him…
It’s not your job to make sure he knows you’re not going to leave him. I know that feels scary to hear.
If you see him as “wounded” you’ll never have the relationship you really want. You’ll see him as needing “help” and no man will be inspired to be everything he’s capable of being if the love of his life views him this way.
Trusting and valuing yourself is what will allow him to ultimately trust you. It always starts with you and how you treat yourself.
RIGHT NOW – start to embody feeling safe (because you trust yourself not to stay in a situation that feels bad) and free (because you know there’s an abundance of men who can give you the love you desire) – this will put you on the quickest path to relationship bliss!
Love, Leigha
To learn more about The Art Of Getting The Commitment You Want, click here.
Thank you 💕 I volunteer in our community, and where before I was working at a female shelter, the past couple of years I was in a position to help a lot of guys my age, some developed crushes on me, but nothing serious – until the Kurt Cobain look-alike told me that he lOved me. I didn’t see that coming AT ALL, and acted weird and said stupid things which sent him raging after 15 minutes. He was angry that I “didn’t stand up for him,” but instead said “we can be friends.” I got scared and acted cowardly, so, then he shut ME down and wouldn’t talk to me. I’ve been crying everyday for 3 weeks. I felt something for him from the start, but I didn’t think he felt anything for me. we r both artists and r both interested in hand building houses, and we grew up in the same town in turns out. Like Kurt, he lives under a bridge where I used to drop off food… but now I don’t feel right going over there to help. He would refuse to accept anything. I ran after him that first day out together and he refused to talk to me. I dropped off bags of snacks that were donated the next day then got an angry head knod. He’s so great looking, too, I’m feeling like I shot myself in the foot, and do t know what to do He didn’t ask me for my num er because he was too busy yelling his head off. I haven’t gone over for 3 weeks and hate that he came to this false conclusion about me, which attacks my sense of integrity. I think he risked a lot telling me his feelings and I acted cold and glib and THATS NOT ME. I wanted to go to him today but turned around. It feels like I blew my chance to have a relationship with him. We did hug before and it was amAzing and he did cute bids for connection plus I think he’s a genius. I feel so wretched Help!