Relationship & Business Coaching for Women

How Long Do You Wait For A Commitment From The Man You Love?

Leigha Lake

Here’s a very common question women ask all the time.

I’ve been given permission to answer her question here. 

The Question:

“Hi Leigha,

I’ve been reading your posts ALL afternoon and they are helpful, I’ve implemented some of your advice and it seems to be working!  How long do I wait for him? I’m madly in love with him and he’s madly in love with me. We have a sort of long-distance relationship, he’s a truck driver. That’s how we met, actually. We became friends and I fell in love very quickly, but I held off on telling him because I was trying something new. Within a few weeks and many hours talking and texting, he told me he was in love with me! I was over the moon! Every time we saw each other, it was truly magic! Like those feelings you have in junior high school, you know, before sex clouds so much. When he told me he was in love with me, we hadn’t been intimate yet, it was still almost two weeks before that happened. Very precious, he made that night so special. I never felt so cherished. Anyway, a few months later, I went out on the road with him for six months and I loved it. But, I wanted to come home and do something for myself. So, I’ve been doing too much leaning forward…see? Reading! This man did ask me to marry him while I was on the road with him (it wasn’t formal, he knows what I want for that moment). Back on our one year anniversary/ my birthday, he gave me a promise ring. Now, he says he’s not ready because of finances, he owns his own truck and makes good money (on paper). He had talked of us getting a place together, but now he’s reneged on that. He says he wants to be with only me and loves me enough to marry me. And I’m not ready to give up on him. He’s a wonderful, loving, tender, funny man. I know I need to get my focus back on me and I’m working on that. But, my question is what do I say to him? I don’t want to end things, but I have been in a relationship before that drug on for years with no commitment and I don’t want to do that again.  Thanks for your advice.”  Sienna

My Answer:

Hi Sienna, this is such a great question because it’s what we ALL would want to know!  “How long do I wait and what do I say?”

Step 1.  Stop doing what doesn’t work with men, romance and relationships (any kind of “man managing”) – which you’ve already started doing!!  Yayyy!!!

Step 2.  Notice if his energy starts moving towards you again.

Step 3.  Always look at the big picture.

This is just ONE man out of millions that can give you the relationship you want.  (I know we typically want just one particular man because he makes us feel so special – but the truth is – there are many men who can make us feel loved, adored, cherished and special – for a lifetime.)

If you don’t believe this – start playing around with the “idea” of believing there are many high quality men who would be a perfect match for you.  We’re going with the vibe of abundance – instead of coming from lack, scarcity, or fear which is so easy to do.

Step 4.  If you ever start to feel a man becoming distant and withdrawing – it’s a Caution Love Sign.

Typically when a man withdraws and becomes distant – we become more attracted and even obsessed thinking about him and how we can turn things around.

Turn Your Thinking Around First 

We have to shift before our relationship can.

Ask yourself – “Is this man capable of giving me the love and relationship I want??”  Instead of trying to become the “perfect girlfriend” to get his love and commitment or walking on egg shells.

This will help you shift your vibe.  You’ll come from a more empowered and magnetic place instead of an anxious, needy or desperate place.  We’ve all been there!

Start Here To See If The Man You Love Is Capable Of Giving You The Love You Deserve

  1. Give your relationship 3 months to turn around.
  2. Don’t give in to any urgency – this is the hardest part.  (For example: Talking about your relationship or how he feels – unless he brings it up.)  When a man’s becoming distant – the best thing to do is create MORE space – but we instinctively want to create MORE closeness.
  3. At this point there’s no need to say anything about what you’re doing differently – you do it and follow your timeline.
  4. Don’t wait around for him to make plans, call or fill up your life.  Start creating a life you love that has nothing to do with a man.  If you could create your dream life – what would it look like?  Start here.

Learn how to create softness and be The Ultimate Invitation when he comes towards you. 

  1. Soften your jaw
  2. Drop your shoulders
  3. Take a deep breath and let your belly soften
  4. How do you feel?
  5. Take another breath and imagine breathing in love and breathing out love.

Do this when you’re with him.

This Soften Your Body tool allows you to show more of your authentic self.  Instead of shutting down and being up in your head wondering about what he’s thinking or feeling.

If after 3 months you’re still questioning his intentions about you.  There’s your answer.

At that point you can let him know – “I love you and I love spending time with you but I’m really looking for someone who’s on the same page as I am about having a future together…. and it doesn’t feel like we are… What are your thoughts?

Let him answer – see what he says.  Be willing to walk away.

Let me know how this works for you.

Love, Leigha

P.S.  Learning how to express how we feel (start with the good feelings), allowing there to be space in the relationship (this isn’t about taking crumbs but being able to discern what’s really going on), receiving what a man has to give and trusting everything is working out exactly as it’s supposed to – is the Magic Formula for LIFE – being our most authentic selves.  Being our most authentic selves empowers us and puts us on the FAST TRACK to true love and having everything we dream about.

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Hey, I am Leigha – a mom, wife, lover of the outdoors & Relationship Coach for High-Achieving Women. My mission is to help strong, successful women attract an integrated masculine man, and live a deeply rich and fulfilling life.

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