Have you ever thought that relationships should be so much easier than they are?
Quick story – Two nights ago, we were eating dinner outside as a family enjoying the summer evening and my husband was trying to get my almost 4 year old daughter to eat. (She only likes oatmeal, pancakes, chicken nuggets and popsicles…). The way he was going about getting her to eat her dinner didn’t feel good to me.
I could quickly feel my body start to get tense as my mind was flooded with memories of my childhood and feeling afraid of my father.
(Trever is an EXCELLENT father nothing like my dad but I’m easily triggered when someone starts to raise their voice.)
I tried to figure out how I was going to navigate this situation without taking my daughter’s side AND showing my husband that I respected him – without liking the way he was handling things.
So I sat there and said, “This doesn’t feel good to me. There has to be a better way….”
This did not evoke a magical response from him. (Shocking, I know!)
He then directed his frustration at me and said, “Ok, you can handle this problem from now on.”
To which I responded with, “I get how frustrating this is for both of us. I don’t think it needs to be
taken to such extremes…I’m going to give you some space and go inside for a little bit.”
And then I walked inside the house and let him cool off.
He came back inside within 5 minutes back to his normal, happy AND patient self.
There was no fighting, no drama, no sulking, no hard feelings.
We don’t fight.
I don’t think there’s EVER a good reason to fight. Of course everyone gets frustrated and angry, but that doesn’t mean fighting is acceptable or necessary.
We actually both refuse to fight with each other. If one of us is too worked up then we’ll come back to the conversation at a later date. This prevents us from saying things we don’t mean and avoiding damaging the relationship. (You can’t unhear things that have been said.)
Navigating your romantic relationship and deepening the bond between the two of you doesn’t happen naturally or all on it’s own because at first it’s NOT natural.
This why the divorce rate is so high.
If I didn’t understand the natural energy exchange between the two of us, and how to navigate tense situations…then without a doubt, I would’ve handled that exact same situation I described above, in a way that would’ve caused damage all because I didn’t know there was a different way!!
I wouldn’t have had the “skill set” to feel what I felt and be able to express it and transform the situation
without blaming my husband or making him wrong.
The 5 Pillars To Having The Passionate, Deeply Connected Relationship You Want
- Creating space
- Softening your vibe
- Opening your heart and body to receive
- Holding your boundaries
- And being able to express your deepest feelings
Expressing how we really feel (especially the not so good feelings) is one of the scariest things we do when it comes to having the deep connection we want.
Being an empowered, feminine woman it’s important to have an understanding of these things:
- How to express how you feel…
- When to have the “tough” conversations…
- When to walk away and come back to the conversation…
Here’s the thing…
When we’re having tough conversations, it’s going to feel uncomfortable!
One of the tools that I teach my clients is learning how to express themselves in “feeling messages.”
(You probably know about these already.) I’m going to be bold and say 100% of my clients
resist doing this at first. They don’t want to because it feels uncomfortable.
They’re afraid of being vulnerable, open, and SEEN.
We all have this belief that if we open up and share how we feel that we can be hurt.
When we feel this way, what our energy is shouting is –
I’m not available for this kind of intimacy.
I’m not ready.
Don’t get too close.
Please, let’s just keep this surface level.
I don’t want to feel too much.
Even though we’re all actually craving a real connection.
The outcome of NOT expressing how you really feel and keeping things surface level is…it attracts drama,
meaning men who have a lot of baggage or emotional issues or men who mirror back to you your own fear of intimacy and emotional unavailability.
If you want a deep connection, it’s up to you to go first. (That’s your work as the empowered feminine energy.)
How to know if you’re actually expressing yourself from a deep level and not filtering, or hiding from real intimacy or a deep connection.
Imagine being on the ledge of a big cliff.
Notice how you feel. Do you feel vulnerable? Do you feel exposed? Do you feel scared? Does it feel thrilled?
Do you feel excited?
(I feel all of these things when I’m allowing myself to truly be seen and heard.)
Part of the Wounded Feminine paradigm is hiding. Not wanting to be seen, not speaking up….and playing small.
Expressing how you feel is the opposite of all of those. This is SO important to understand when it comes to having the passionate, pleasurable, joyful, and deeply connected relationship you want.
In case you don’t already know, the basic script for sharing your feelings is:
or “I was feeling…”
The next time your man initiates a conversation, share with him how you’re feeling about your day, life…
rather than keeping things surface level.
I would love to hear how things shift for you.
P.S. If you’re ready to learn how to create and keep a deep heart-to-heart connection with a man, Relationship Coach Helena Hart and I have created a BRAND-NEW telecourse called Connect With His Heart.
We’re SO excited to have Rori Raye (who has transformed millions of lives world wide) as a special guest on one of the calls! We’ll also be answering all of YOUR personal questions.