When A Man Can’t Commit – From A Man’s Perspective

Leigha Lake

Here’s a question from Francois, I’m sure all women would love to understand this from a male’s perspective.  Francois gave me permission to share our conversation.

“Hi Leigha,  I’ve been seeing this woman off and on for the past three years.  We’ve decided this is the month we’re either going to make it work or go our separate ways.  The thing is, I love this girl, but I’m so confused about the whole relationship.  There aren’t any “deal breakers” for me.  I just don’t know if she’s the right one for me.  How can I know for sure?  Thanks Francois”

This is the million dollar question every woman would like to know about her noncommittal man.

After speaking on the phone with Francois, I found out he’s NOT afraid of commitment at all.  He’s ready and willing to move the relationship forward – but he’s not.

We talked about what bothers him the most – He doesn’t feel like he can completely be himself.  After talking further, I discovered his girlfriend doesn’t feel safe to be herself either.  When he asks her if she wants to do adventurous, exciting, spontaneous outings with him – she’ll be completely on board and then he senses she’s forcing it.  It feels fake to him.  She really doesn’t feel comfortable but she’s doing it for him – she’s acting the way she thinks he wants her to.

This completely goes along with how I help women: to be open, warm, authentic and vulnerable.  This is when a man can feel safe to be himself.  He doesn’t want to have to worry about if  we’re being honest and telling him the truth about how we really feel.  He doesn’t want to have to guess.  The less authentic we are with our man – the less attraction he can feel towards us – and he doesn’t even know why!

The more we’re in touch with our real feelings and being able to express them in a way a man can hear – this is how a man can connect with us.  This is what he craves!

We talked about his Love Compass – and because he’s the masculine partner, we talked about the characteristics (instead of feelings) he wants in his ideal relationship and what actually surprised me was he didn’t mention ANYTHING about a woman’s physical appearance.  For a man – if he’s talking to you,  if he’s in a relationship with you – he’s attracted to you.

His next step is having a “heart to heart” with her.  He has a plan – he’s giving it two weeks (maybe longer) to see how things go and re-asses from there.  He’s going to keep us posted with how it goes.


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Hey, Leigha here – I’m a mom, wife, lover of the outdoors & Relationship Coach for High-Achieving Women. My mission is to help women steer clear of unhealthy, toxic, soul-destroying relationships and show them how to attract an integrated masculine man, and live a deeply rich and fulfilling life.

Early stages of dating

Bonding stages of dating

Long term relationships


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