What To Do If He’s Confused And Pulling Away

Leigha Lake

Here’s a question from Sarah about her man being confused and wanting space.

I know many women can relate and it doesn’t have to be this way!

When a man’s confused and pulling away, after working with 100’s of women, I know there are really only two reasons why.

Either the woman has accidentally been over giving in the relationship or he’s not the man for her.

When a woman can learn the energy dynamic between the feminine and masculine energies and apply them in her relationship – IF he’s the man for her (the love of her life) – the relationship will not only get back on track but be better than it’s ever been.  I’ve seen this happen over and over. (I talk all about the difference of empowered masculine and feminine and the wounded masculine and feminine energies in The Art Of Getting The Commitment You Want program. You can learn more about it here.

If he’s not the man for her, he’ll never fully step up and lead the relationship again.

As women we feel this as a constant empty lonely space between the two of us, it also makes us long and pine after a man.  It makes us feel compelled to do something just to get rid of these unbearable feelings.

What we feel compelled to do – call him, text him, tell him EXACTLY how we feel, hoping he’ll remember how great things used to be – actually turns him off even more.  (I did this before I learned what NOT to do.)

The Question:

Hi Leigha,

My live-in boyfriend of 6 years wanted space. I’ve been staying at my parent’s house for the last 6 months. He still doesn’t know what he wants. I’ve made so many mistakes along the way. My things are still in our home and my mail still goes there, so I still see him weekly. I’m about ready to get an apartment – as it isn’t feasible to stay at my parent’s house and he won’t let me back home. Is it possible for him to choose to be with me? He really isn’t sure. Thanks, Sarah”

My Answer:

Hi Sarah,

I know how heartbreaking and painful this feels. I’m going to be giving some tough love so if you don’t want to hear it, stop reading. I’m also answering just off of the information in your question, so I don’t have a lot to go off of.

What I know now about how men and relationships really work, if a man ever told me he was feeling confused about me, I would be gone.

So first things first.

Do you know the difference between feminine energy and masculine energy?

The quickest way to know if things can get “back on track” is to access your inner love goddess so all of your energy is back on you and you’re radiating your essence out into the world. Rather than focusing on him which actually dims your essence and he no longer “recognizes” you.

Stop going to get your mail or seeing him in anyway.  Find a way to keep the space he’s asking for.

If he’s asked for space and you’re initiating, it’s preventing him from being able to feel and rebuild attraction.  You’re lowering your value not only in his eyes but yours as well which puts you in a downward spiral.  It’s also respecting the masculine energy.

When a man misses a woman, to him it’s a good sign and he’ll want to reach out to her.  Men fall in love when they’re not with us and we fall in love when we’re with them.  The things we instinctively do that feel like love to us, feel just the opposite to a man.

Has he contacted you?

If he’s contacting you but not asking to see you, it means he’s “keeping the door open.”  Unavailable men do this.  They like to keep women “on the bleachers” as one man painted that picture for me when I asked him why he was still contacting me after he’d just had a woman move in with him.

I know you don’t want to be strung along by an emotionally unavailable man.

Your only job is to be in your goddess energy and let a man do all the initiating ESPECIALLY if he’s the one who’s asked for space.  This is what he needs to build and feel attraction and this is what YOU need to see if he’s the man for you.  Chances are if he’s still saying he’s confused after 6 months, he’s not the man for you.

Is he’s contacting you and wants to see you?

If this is the case, your energy/vibe has to be about putting your feelings first rather than hoping and praying he wants to get back together.  Can you feel the difference?

It’s coming from a place of, “Now that we’ve been apart I’m also reflecting on the things I really want and figuring out if you’re the man for me.  Lets see how things go…”

Instead of, “Now that we’ve been apart, I know even more now how much I love you and I hope you can see it too.  What can I do to prove I’m the one for you?”

If there’s a chance it could turn around – this is the way.

The good thing about this is:

If it’s over it only means he was never the man to be “the love of your life.”

It doesn’t mean you made too many mistakes or you messed everything up.

It only means he was a messenger in your life to help you become even more aware about how men and relationships really work and what you really truly want and need in a relationship.

Your next steps:

  1. Start creating a life you love and stop waiting on him to make up his mind.
  2. Do 3 things every day that bring you pleasure.  Your only job is to focus on pleasure, fun and passion for the next 3 months!!

Waiting on him only adds to the pain and frustration you’re feeling.  You’ll actually feel SO much better once you’ve made the choice to stop waiting and trust the right man for you is on his way!

When a man really feels as though he could lose you forever, that’s when he’ll want back into your life.  I believe this is with emotionally unavailable men though so be on the lookout for this.

A real masculine man knows when it’s over and he moves on.

Learn everything you can about men, love and relationships so you can attract your perfect match.  I know it’s not only possible for you, but inevitable when you’re attracting from your goddess energy.

Sending you so much love,



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Hey, Leigha here – I’m a mom, wife, lover of the outdoors & Relationship Coach for High-Achieving Women. My mission is to help women steer clear of unhealthy, toxic, soul-destroying relationships and show them how to attract an integrated masculine man, and live a deeply rich and fulfilling life.

Early stages of dating

Bonding stages of dating

Long term relationships


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