How To Know What He’s Thinking About Your Relationship

Leigha Lake

Here’s a very common situation from Cheryl –

“Hi Leigha,

I don’t know what to do!!!  I think I’m at the end of my patience in waiting to see if my boyfriend figures out his feelings for me.  But I love him so I don’t want to break up, but it hurts my heart to know he’s still so confused and conflicted.  I have no idea if I’m just waiting in vain or if it will actually work out.  I don’t know how to get back to being super hopeful again and being ok with just going with the flow…What should I do?  Any advice would be so helpful!! Thank you, Cheryl”

MY ANSWER:

One of the worst feelings in the world is feeling anxious over a man and analyzing every word he says.  This is what happens when we begin to invest too much in the relationship and move ahead of the guy on the relationship timeline.

In the beginning of almost every relationship a man will say and do things that make us feel completely loved and adored.   We almost can’t help but allow ourselves to believe “this is it.”  He loves me and he’s doing all of these things that really mean something.  For example; introducing you to his family, his friends, taking you on trips, and talking about the future.

We think we’re moving down the “timeline” of relationship, getting closer and closer towards marriage and commitment,  – and to a man it’s completely different.  

He’s still at the beginning of the relationship timeline until marriage is on the table.


Since Cheryl is exclusively dating Steve and she doesn’t want to date other men, the best thing she can do is to get her focus off of him AND create some energetic space for him to move towards her  – by dating herself.

This looks like going out with friends, getting your hair done, starting a hobby you’ve been wanting to start – anything you can do to create your own happiness.

When you know how a man’s timeline works, it’s easier to keep from investing too much and creating an imaginary relationship because you’re not misinterpreting his actions.

Step 2.   Give yourself a timeline of how long you’re willing to stay where you are without a “real” commitment from him. If he offers you what you want within that time frame…great!!!!  If he doesn’t, make sure you have a plan to get yourself on the path to the love you want. (I can help you with this.)

Don’t Do This

You can’t talk a man into loving you more, feeling more attraction, or wanting a commitment/marriage with you.  If you try and do this, it will make him lose attraction quicker than you can imagine.  He will feel your need and desperation.

Do This…

Begin building attraction right now.

Express how happy you feel when he does something that you really like.  No matter how small or insignificant it seems.

For example:  When he takes you out to eat, “This feels good and cozy.  I love going out to eat.”

Or, if you stay in, “I feel happy staying home, cooking together and enjoying a cozy meal.”

Or, “I feel excited about our upcoming weekend.”

Or, “It felt so good to get all of our errands done.”

Or, “Awww, I feel so happy you fed the dog.”  Thank you!

Begin practicing and see how he responds.  You’ll be amazed by how quickly things can turn around.

From Cheryl:

Leigha!  Things have really started turning around!! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!!

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Hey, Leigha here – I’m a mom, wife, lover of the outdoors & Relationship Coach for High-Achieving Women. My mission is to help women steer clear of unhealthy, toxic, soul-destroying relationships and show them how to attract an integrated masculine man, and live a deeply rich and fulfilling life.

Early stages of dating

Bonding stages of dating

Long term relationships

Communication

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