Does Your Man Want To Keep It Casual?

Leigha Lake

Here’s a letter from Debbie…

“Hi Leigha, I’ve met a younger man, he’s 24, and I’ve been having the time of my life with him.  After 3 months of dating he asked for exclusivity.  I said,”No.”   He’s too young, this is fun for now but not serious…it could never work.  After a few months of keeping it casual, I’m starting to feel attached and he’s telling me he no longer has any desire to be exclusive and it’s making me feel horrible…He told me he feels fine seeing me for the next ten years casually and being in my life without any commitment.  I told him I felt sad and confused and he said he felt the same way??  He tells me he loves me, yet he’s ok for this to end when we both find someone else.I think he is really having his cake and eating it too. I feel sick to my stomach. I don’t know what to do and to be honest I don’t have time for this.  Did I make a mistake by not becoming exclusive right away?  Did it push him away?  Thanks, Debbie”


Hi Debbie – Please don’t beat yourself up and think that if you had agreed to being exclusive early on things would be different now. And because you don’t necessarily see a future with him, and things are starting to feel bad…

Why are you still there?  Why are you staying in a relationship that feels bad? 

If you’re not feeling loved, adored, cherished, and the center of his universe, is he really the man for you?

And – no amount of feminine energy, scripts, or leaning back (like we talked about) will change anything, IF you’re still operating from masculine energy on the inside and  wanting to make something happen.

Ultimately, this isn’t even about him.  This is about you and how you feel AND having the amazing, loving, tender relationship you want.

Before I met my husband, I had written down exactly how I wanted to feel in my dream relationship.  I feel all of those wonderful feelings and more, daily.

I would love to hear how you want to feel in your dream relationship!

Love, Leigha


  1. Carrie

    What I want in a relationship:
    comfort, love, companionship, warmth, someone who cares and who is here for me, a loving shoulder, someone who supports and believes in me, physical attraction, music and dancing, safety, loyalness, honesty, commitment, life long commitment, beauty, color, exploration, I want my car door opened for me! ? Similar interests, flow in conversation, genuine connection, intimacy, respect, confidence, fun, health, romance, gifts, trust.

  2. Admin

    Hi Carrie! I love your list..

    So what you want to feel in a relationship is…comforted, loved, warmth, cared for, loved, supported, believed in, attracted, safe, loyal, honest, committed, beautiful, excitement. cherished, connected, intimate, respected, confident, fun, healthy, romantic, and trust!

    WOW!!! These are fantastic!! I truly believe you can have all of these and more!

    This is your “Love Compass”. This is how you know you’re in the right relationship for you with the right man. This is where it all starts….


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Hey, Leigha here – I’m a mom, wife, lover of the outdoors & Relationship Coach for High-Achieving Women. My mission is to help women steer clear of unhealthy, toxic, soul-destroying relationships and show them how to attract an integrated masculine man, and live a deeply rich and fulfilling life.

Early stages of dating

Bonding stages of dating

Long term relationships


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