Do You Have To Change Yourself To Get Love?

Leigha Lake

Do You Feel Like You Have To Change Yourself To Get The Love You Want?

I’ve worked with some women who feel some resistance to being the feminine energy in their romantic relationships with men.

Especially women who are super successful in business and in life – just not with men (or one particular man).

They don’t want to pretend to be someone they’re not.

I completely understand – (I was a wildland firefighter for 6 years, rappelling out of helicopters and camping for weeks at a time.)

I know how to take charge and get things done!

I wondered why I had to wait for a man to step up and make a move?

Why couldn’t I lean forward if I wanted to?

I saw other women who seemed to be very happy in their relationships and they didn’t have to “lean back” and say,

“I feel”…What gives?

In some cultures it comes off as rude to lean back so much.

Women also worry about coming off as snobby, arrogant, not caring and having no personality.

And yet – we know what we’ve been doing hasn’t been working for us.

It’s Time To Try Something New

This is how it went for me…

I came across Rori’s ebook and basically memorized it and began implementing what I learned as soon as I could.

I LOVED it and I HATED it at the same time! I didn’t want to follow these rules.

So I would swing like a pendulum from one side (following the guidelines) to the other side (completely bypassing everything new I had learned) and went back to my old ways of leaning forward and chasing. (Except I really didn’t think I was chasing.)

I would tell myself, “This stuff doesn’t work!” “I don’t believe saying “I feel” does anything to a man”. I would begin to feel so much resistance.

Have you felt any of these things?

The more I practiced with men – doing both – leaning back and leaning forward, I realized I always felt better when I gave a man the space to move towards me.

The times I felt frustrated with everything, was when a man’s energy wasn’t coming toward me AND I wanted it to!

Even if I had 5 other men coming towards me, if the man I really wanted wasn’t – I wanted to make something happen!

Or I would feel anxious and scared the man I felt chemistry with would disappear if I didn’t “make it easy” by letting him know I was “available”.

Try This – (This is what I did and what I have my clients do when they start feeling doubt.)

Start experimenting! Lean really far forward – see how you feel. Did it bring your man closer?

The most important part here – is to understand and become aware of WHY you’re leaning forward (advising, initiating, giving, doing, or asking the innocent questions.)

Are you giving to “get” something? Are you trying to make something happen?

Then experiment with leaning back – how does that feel? What were the results?

We all say we want love, but we’re usually blocking it from coming towards us. Do you believe you have to work really hard for love?

So next time you start feeling resistance to this “new way” just start experimenting with leaning forward vs leaning back.

There are women out there who actually thrive in the masculine role. It’s just who they are. And it can work brilliantly in a relationship with a more feminine man.

You get to choose! ????

I would love to hear about your experience with this!




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Hey, Leigha here – I’m a mom, wife, lover of the outdoors & Relationship Coach for High-Achieving Women. My mission is to help women steer clear of unhealthy, toxic, soul-destroying relationships and show them how to attract an integrated masculine man, and live a deeply rich and fulfilling life.

Early stages of dating

Bonding stages of dating

Long term relationships


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